Exclusive: The chains talk back

(Editor’s note: Sometimes there isn’t anything in the queue and I’m blank so I start thinking about silly things I can write about. This is one of those stories…)

By Disc G. Basket, Esq. — Contributing writer

I’m sick of it.

You see, me and my brethren are sick and tired of you disc golfers treating us like crap or second-rate citizens.

Rattle those chains, you say. Make them sing, you say. Throw it harder and make it stick, you say.

A disc golf basket speaks up — and makes it known that rattling the chains is a painful thing!

Apparently, you don’t realize that we baskets feel what you are doing.

You don’t think it’s a coincidence that a perfect putt pops into the chains and then lands on the ground, do you?

We have to deal with a lot, you know.

Sometimes, we’ll have to smell some of that herbal stuff that some of you players bring around. You know, not all of us like to smell that stuff! And booze? How many times are you going to leave empty beer (or soda or something else) bottles in our baskets?

Our baskets aren’t made for that or other trash that people can leave behind. Now we realize that it’s not just disc golfers who leave stuff in our baskets, but they do.

People sometimes also sign us after we’re kind enough to allow an ace. Really? Sign your disc and move on. For those of you kind enough to come out and wipe all that graffiti off us, we thank you.

Back in the day, when we were first installed, we’d be treated like Kings and Queens.

Players would come by in awe of us. Kind of like a new baby. Unlike a baby, however, soon you were whipping pieces of plastic at us. Sometimes, there were sharp edges.

What the heck, dude?

You ever watch the ladies play? They treat us with respect. They don’t worry so much about the sound, rather getting it in the basket.

Most guys whip it at us. And if they miss? Then they slam it to us!

Aw, heck, who am I kidding? The ladies like to hear the chains sing as much as the guys. Maybe more.

That means I never get a break.

Sometimes, we just get so annoyed that we have to get even. One of my longtime chain buddies showed me this video — watch the disc. It’s going in. Until my buddy decided to mess with the thrower.

Tell me something. Would you just go up to another person and whip a piece of plastic into their face if it made the sound of chains?

If you did, you’d be looking at jail time.

But if you send a Star Destroyer or something into the chains, it’s OK to do. Some discs don’t hurt as much as others, I’ll admit that. I’m a fan of tap-in putts. Unfortunately, most of the time, people don’t have a tap-in.

I’m just looking for a little sympathy here.

We won’t get it, we know. Instead, you’ll keep firing the disc at us, just to hear that magical sound.

Look, I know the sound is awesome. After all, I am the one that makes that sound. It’s my chains. It’s my basket.

It’s not you, it’s me.

So think next time before you fire a disc into the chains. Remember, we have feelings to. And that stuff hurts!

But, if you do it and you think you have the perfect putt… well, just think for a moment as that disc hits the chains and bounces out.

Was it a bad shot?

Or am I getting even?

If you have any comments, questions, thoughts, ideas or anything else, feel free to e-mail me and the crew at: pj [at] rattlingchains.com. Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter and like us on Facebook!

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0 thoughts on “Exclusive: The chains talk back

  1. Let’s start a “be soft to the chains” charity. It will also help ypur putting. Throwing with just enough energy to reach the basket prevents spit outs and if you miss you will have a drop in. Using just enough spin prevents spin outs and roll aways. Thank you. The society for increased chain kindness. SICK Less speed, less spin.

    Like

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